


I'm Not Done

by deathwailart



Series: Rhiannon Amell [15]
Category: Dragon Age - All Media Types, Dragon Age: Origins - Awakening
Genre: Angst, F/M, Grey Wardens, Hurt/Comfort, Pre-Dragon Age: Inquisition, Spoilers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-12-26
Updated: 2014-12-26
Packaged: 2018-03-03 16:41:44
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,188
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2857709
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/deathwailart/pseuds/deathwailart
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In the Vimmark Mountains, the Warden's cousin slays Corypheus and a former Warden she recruited destroys the Chantry and Zevran (and Nathaniel) help fight Knight-Commander Meredith.  In Vigil's Keep Rhiannon Amell hears the song she dreads in her dreams and in the end, sets off not to cheat death but to ask for it to be patient.</p>
<p>Written for the prompt: Warden/LI of your choice: you don't have to stay</p>
            </blockquote>





	I'm Not Done

**Author's Note:**

> This draws on parts of my personal headcanon regarding a female Warden and Morrigan completing the Dark Ritual that was discussed in the fic [In the Mire](http://archiveofourown.org/works/1761339)

She hears it in her dreams first, the whispers she usually only hears when the Darkspawn are close or those she heard during the Blight that would wake her in the night. Zevran is away, dealing with the Crows yet again and she's meant to be running the Vigil but she knows she has to go and it's easy enough to put someone in charge until Nathaniel returns; Nathaniel will always be her first choice for leading the Vigil in her absence, he knows the place and the people, a son returned and doing good work with the Wardens and he's well liked among all the rest here. There are questions when she packs up and leaves, Reaver at her side but she says that she's always wanted to go to Kirkwall – her cousin (well, after a fashion) is there, Anders is supposedly there and Isabela, Stroud and that other cousin Carver both spent time in the city and Nathaniel was dispatched and rescued by them. Then there have been other rumours too, things she can only speak to Mistress Woolsey about regarding mages and a few snippets of gossip that circulate back. Everyone else adds the part about Zevran and it's true, especially after the time he's spent here, sometimes helping out with recruits and the other soldiers, teaching them assassin tricks to better defend themselves or reminding them of all that Rhiannon faced in fighting the Blight. Most of the time though he was here with her, stealing her books and papers from her hands when the candles burned low and still she wouldn't come to bed, a purred 'mi amor' in her ear before he took her by the hand to lead her away from work that could wait until morning.  
  
Since taking the Vigil and being named Warden-Commander she's had more access to Warden history than she had before, all the things Duncan never told her, all the things Riordan never had the chance to explain fully either. Other nations are happy enough to send her what they know and if not then there are always friends to reach out to; Anora is a more skilled diplomat than Alistair or Rhiannon and Circles are happier to lend to one of their own. It takes time to send word up to the Anderfels but her missives are answered and each time they are she either extends an invitation to Alistair or rides to Denerim with whatever she can and they'll sit together. He might have made a good scholar really, in a different life. He always enjoyed the odd trinkets she would pick up on the road and even if the questions are sometimes silly, he asks smart ones as they go through her newest findings together. He might be one of the rulers now, wearing a crown and ceremonial armour rather than the colours of a Grey Warden but he can't change what he is and he needs to know the same way she does. After all, she did not put an end to that conflict just to lead to another one if there is no heir for the throne when he hears the Calling same as her. They might be a special case, the child that Morrigan assures her is safe from harm keeping them alive, but the Calling comes to them all and every book and scrap she has found thus far tells them one thing: a Warden alive during a Blight has even fewer years than those in times of peace.  
  
Each time she sends a missive it takes longer to get a reply. It is to other nations and Commanders of the Grey that she must reach out to increasingly and then even Mistress Woolsey is unable to get a response, attempting to appear unruffled but Rhiannon knows her well enough by now to know that she didn't expect this. She's hearing the Old Gods in her dreams, there is talk of trouble in Kirkwall and the errand Nathaniel was dispatched on with this Carver Hawke being sent from elsewhere too fills her stomach with dread. So everything is put in order, she bids Oghren farewell and reluctantly leaves him in charge until Nathaniel returns and sets off where she gets as far as the docks before Zevran is there already and she wants to laugh despite what had her setting off but the instant he gets off the ship she knows something is wrong. He's been fighting, she can tell the instant she sets eyes on him but he smiles the way he always smiles and kisses her, enough flattery to have her blushing but she knows Zevran and there's worry in his eyes as he leads the way back to the Vigil and the private route to her quarters – everyone is surprised to see her back, she doesn't want to answer questions right now. His hand is at the small of her back the whole time, keeping her moving as they return to her chambers where she stops only to find a servant, asking for a meal to be brought up and a bath that she'll heat herself, telling them that if anyone asks, she'll explain in the morning. She's about to inspect Zevran for any injuries but he sighs, curses softly in Antivan and bids her to sit.  
  
"You'll hear soon but Kirkwall's Circle has been destroyed," he begins, shaking his head as he drags the chair from the other side of her desk around so he can be beside her.  
  
"Andraste's blood!" She gasps and she's glad he waited for them to be alone, this is news she hasn't heard and Zevran still smells of blood and smoke so he left as soon as he could to find her so she would hear of it first, he probably would have _swam_ all the way to Amaranthine if he had to.  
  
"You have heard the stories, yes? The Gallows? I would not have believed if I had not seen it – I was still there, I met dear Isabela again, this Champion of Kirkwall too, the one you say is an Amell? – but it was..." He trails off and her stomach sinks like a stone. Zevran is never lost for words, the last time was back when she first said she loved him, when the earring was given to her after Taliesen was dealt with, all that confusion and hurt that turned into what they have today. She twists the earring, a nervous habit Zevran and Leliana both tell her off for countless times but this time he just lays his hands over hers. "This will not be easy for you to hear but you must," he murmurs, running his thumb over her knuckles and she knows the blood has drained from her face from the way he squeezes.  
  
"Zev-"  
  
"No, I...I know this will hurt and I do not relish telling you but I made sure to learn this for you so you would know the truth of it. The Chantry in Kirkwall was destroyed by a mage. A mage who was a Grey Warden."  
  
She knows before he has to say more, a pained gasp leaving her because it's only recently that she learned that Anders even lived still. "What happened Zevran? How was a Chantry destroyed?"  
  
"An explosion. How, I cannot say, you might know such things better than I if a mage did it? But I saw this great red light, I heard it. The Grand Cleric they say, her and whoever else was inside. The Knight-Commander was not like your Greagoir though she did call for annulling the Circle too after such actions-"  
  
"But Anders is an apostate, she would have culled them all?"  
  
"There were many problems in Kirkwall, even before the Qunari invasion, you had some news of it?"  
  
"I did," she admits, feeling faint and wondering if all this will prove to be some terrible dream.  
  
"She called for it and well, if you have heard news then you know the Mages had so little freedom. The Champion stood for the mages fortunately, there was a battle and the First Enchanter became a creature using blood magic – it sounds not unlike what you encountered in Amgarrak but I was not there for either instance, this is all that I learned from the Champion before I said I must depart to you before the ships out of Kirkwall stopped entirely – and then the Knight-Commander became a...I confess I do not have the words for what she was. She is a statue now. Her sword was made of red lyrium-"  
  
"Lyrium is blue, I know lyrium well enough Zevran."  
  
"They were as disturbed as you are, perhaps it is something to investigate? No matter, the statues came to life, we fought them – I saw Nathaniel there too, he said he would remain to get information if he could, Carver was with him as well, he said he could not leave family to suffer that alone and the Champion _is_ a mage like yourself." He searches her face when she says nothing because she can't believe anyone would do that; she might not love the Chantry but to destroy it and care nothing for the innocent lives within is appalling and it's worse because she knows Anders, or she did. Once. The circumstances surrounding Anders leaving will always be hard and she sent Rolan elsewhere when he was gone but her hands were tied. _We leave everything behind when we become Wardens_ , she told him even though the words had burned and Rolan had never liked listening to her command much either, _your past escapes from the Circle are forgotten as is his past as a Templar._  
  
She didn't approve of him and Justice, whatever that was but then she never used spirits. The one time she was tempted she learned blood magic and she has never forgiven herself for it, the few who know of it agreeing to stay silent. It's a tool, it was to stop the Blight and the Wardens would turn away nothing but she has trusted spirits even less than before when she knows it only takes a single slip and what really separates a spirit from a demon in the first place?  
  
"Rhiannon?"  
  
Zevran calling her name brings her back to the present and the knocking at the door and she rises on unsteady legs, accepting the tray and watching as the bath is filled, the familiar sensation of her magic calming her as she heats while Zevran eats. She tends to the few wounds he has, none of them serious but some speak to healing magic and well, at least Anders was there for that she supposes as he continues his story of the battle and what became of Meredith. They were both there for Uldred's attack on the Circle, on her old home and it took Kinloch Hold so long to recover but at least it was still there and she went back to see it as it was when she searched for Morrigan. It was still a home and refuge for them and ever since she defeated the Blight it has governed itself despite what other nations and the Chantry might say but the thought of so many in Kirkwall, in a place with that reputation and where the Veil is said to be thin, lost and without shelter. Hopefully this cousin of hers can help or someone will.  
  
Zevran sighs in the tub and she heats the water again, watching as he relaxes deeper and she massages his neck and shoulders, tension disappearing and forgets the nightmares she's had and that she was on the road herself, leaning forward to kiss the tip of one ear and he turns, water sloshing over the edge of the bath to kiss her, warm wet hands on her cheeks and she's missed this. Whenever Zevran comes to the Vigil – more and more often with the Crows in hand for the most – she can have a normal life that she never would have dreamed of before. The Blight always hung over them at first, the stolen moments in tents or in taverns, falling in love in the worst of circumstances, something she had never allowed herself back in the Circle when it was always just a silly game, sneaking around and hoping you didn't get caught. She has freedom, a position of power and influence, a man who loves her. She isn't alone when they're apart, there are no restrictions placed on either of them seeking comfort where they will but she loves Zevran more than anyone else except for Morrigan and Morrigan is off to do what she must. Maybe Rhiannon will see her and their son one day, maybe she won't but they're safe and that matters most. Rhiannon couldn't leave Zevran and all the responsibilities here anymore than Morrigan could have stayed.  
  
"So," Zevran says when he finally gets out of the tub and accepts a towel, everything else left for the morning, "I do wonder why you were on the road. Not that I was unhappy to see you at the docks but you had no idea I would come and you were dressed for travel. And still are. Mostly."  
  
"Today isn't a day for good news," she mutters as she sits on the end of the bed to remove her boots at last, kicking them over to near her pack and long coat. "I was going to come to Kirkwall to find you," she admits, unable to look at him because they were meant to have more time than this, she always hoped for that even for all that she knew and she cheated death once when so many others have lost their lives. It's selfish to want more, to want to escape what her brothers and sisters have gone through from the start but for everything the Wardens have sacrificed, she wants better for them than to die in the dark, surrounded by what they might be.  
  
"How bad is it?"  
  
"Maybe not as bad as a mage rebellion but it's a Warden thing."  
  
"Ah." Zevran knows more than most because she doesn't care about secrets with him – Zevran has never judged, has always been there for her – and he already knows about how close she came before when Morrigan offered her ritual. "Is it..."  
  
"I heard it," she whispers and a mixture of grief and anger burn her throat. "I heard it in my dreams."  
  
He swears, as angry as her and her stomach clenches as she blinks back sudden tears because what good will crying do? She heard the song suddenly, she knows what this is, the same thing that created the taint swimming in her blood and it's been seven years since she took the Joining, six since she stood atop Fort Drakon and picked up the blade of a fallen soldier when Urthemiel at last lay near death and finished him herself. So many never get what she's had but she always thought it would be a little longer. Has Alistair heard it too, she wonders. There was a promise made after the Deep Roads and Broodmothers. A promise that no matter who heard it first they would go together and he would make sure she _never_ turned into one of them.  
  
"What are you going to do?" Zevran asks at last, dressed in loose trousers for sleep as he crosses the room to stand before her, arms folded.  
  
"Find Avernus first I suppose, he prolonged his life and I learned from his techniques. I don't want something so drastic, I don't want to live forever, I just-" She cuts herself off because it's always been implied, not something she's ever said and she isn't embarrassed but everyone else would expect more and it's not some strange thing to say but people like her and Zevran, they live their lives with death always reaching from them, sometimes just a hair's breadth from their shoulders. Zevran waits patiently and she can feel herself smiling as she looks up and takes hold of his hands to draw him closer. "I wanted to grow old with you. Until you could blame your inability to pick locks on arthritis and I had more grey than black in my hair and tutted about how the young Mages these days don't know how to cast a fireball without making such a spectacle of themselves. I wanted that for us. Let someone else take over here, run off to Antiva and spend all day in bed and not have to fight until I can't." Her voice breaks then and he's kneeling, gathering her into his arms because she can't hold the tears back now, not when she saw that life and wanted it so badly that the thought of it being snatched away physically hurts. She doesn't even know if she'll find answers or if it's going to come too soon and already she's heard a few rumours around the Vigil, people fidgeting and they all deserve more. They fight such awful things, why do they have to fight alone in the dark, forgotten by everyone except the dwarves and their own in Weisshaupt?  
  
"You don't have to stay-" She says when she finds her voice again.  
  
It's as far as she gets before Zevran pulls back, frowning. "Did I not follow you into the Deep Roads?"  
  
"You did."  
  
"And did I not also go up some mountain and fight a dragon and cultists and endure ridiculous trials?"  
  
"You did."  
  
"And I do remember the small matter of fighting through Denerim at your side and then Fort Drakon, and oh, was there not an Archdemon? Right at the very end?"  
  
She smiles despite herself, even managing to laugh. "You did."  
  
"Then when you go to find answers because I know you, Rhiannon Amell, you cheated a Grey Warden's fate once and you will do so again, you would not be content to accept anything as it is, then I shall accompany you once more. If you allow me to pack once more in the morning then we shall set out together."  
  
"There's no one I'd rather have by my side." She doesn't know what she did to deserve Zevran being hired to end her life but one day she hopes she can thank them because she couldn't have done this without him with her.  
  
"A grand adventure awaits us," he tells her as she gets to her feet to strip out of her robes, "it is already so late and we must be well rested."  
  
"It would be the responsible thing," she agrees, flicking the last fastenings on her robes to let them fall to the floor, only in her underwear, Zevran's hands sliding up her sides and it hasn't been _that_ long without him here but no one knows her the way he does.  
  
"Good thing we're not responsible then isn't it?" He teases and she accepts his hand as he guides her to bed and something much better than sleep.


End file.
